Celebrating Christmas

Since we started dating, AJ and I have been pretty good about splitting the holidays between our families as best we can but this year, since we'll only be home for two days, we're doing everything we can to maximize our time with both families!

What makes this a bit easier for us is the fact that our families have different traditions. Being from South America, AJ's family opens their gifts at midnight on Christmas morning while my family has always had the tradition of waking up early Christmas morning to open gifts. Growing up, my sisters and I always had to go to bed early on Christmas Eve so Santa could come. 

This means that this year, AJ and I will get the best of both worlds! And, because we want to see both our families on both Christmas Eve and Christmas day, we are doing just that rather than being with one family one day and one family the other. 

So, this evening we are hopping on a 6:51 Amtrak that will get us to Stamford around 10 (if everything goes well!) and we'll go straight to the Cabrera's home for the night. I'll go to my Mom's the next morning to help her prepare Christmas Eve dinner (which is eaten around 1 in the afternoon). We typically do the traditional Italian Christmas Eve dinner of fish, although we don't make 7! We'll eat an early dinner with my family and in the afternoon we will meet back up with the Cabreras to go to 7 o' clock mass. From there, we go to AJ's uncle's house for a later dinner (we'll be eating a lot I think) and wait until midnight to open presents! It will be very fun to see AJ's little cousins and siblings ripping through packages and boxes with excitement. When the festivities die down at his uncle's and everyone heads to bed, we'll drive back to my mom's in the middle of the night to sleep there so that we can wake up and open the presents under my mom's tree on Christmas morning! See, best of both worlds, really! My family also eats Christmas dinner around 1 o' clock so we'll spend the morning and early afternoon with them before going back to AJ's uncle's where all his family will still be. They spend Christmas day in their pajamas and make ceviche! That is a very good tradition in my eyes! So, we'll be back to spend time with them again before we spend the night at my mom's. We have to wake up first thing on the 26th and drive back to Boston because AJ has to work in the afternoon!

This is a photo from Christmas last year, a little over a month after we got engaged and it is so crazy to think how quickly the past year went by! How is it Christmas time already? I love this time of year and I always feel anticipation leading up to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but this year is different because now the anticipation is less about gifts and the festiveness of Christmas morning. This year, the anticipation is all about seeing our families and hugging and kissing them and catching up! Not to mention, we'll get to meet this little guy!

My mom went and bought herself a Christmas puppy, Stuart! We can't wait to meet him!

Wishing everyone a very happy, joyous, and blessed Christmas! May all your days be merry and bright! Safe travels!

Pre-Cana Part Two

On Sunday, we finished up our Pre-Cana course in Bridgeport at the the Catholic Center. I was looking forward to it more than the first class because I knew what to expect and I was interested to learn more and have more conversations with AJ. We covered four more chapters in the workbook and class went from 9-2.

The first chapter that we read had us discussing our love languages and how to learn the best way to interact with each other. My primary love language is AJ's secondary love language and my secondary language is his primary so we're pretty close, but then again both of us found that we have preferences in all 5 languages.

There were also discussions about having children and how God leads couples to this. A young couple came in with their two small children to tell us about how God played a large role in the decision, for them, of if and when to have kids. The other chapters covered things such as dealing with finances and debt, growing your relationship towards God together, and family life.

Another important topic we talked about was the vow that is made when you promise to take your husband or wife for better or for worse. This was my favorite chapter of day two and a large part of the discussion was on apology because it is necessary in maintaining a long, happy, healthy marriage. The workbook said that the most important words a spouse can say are, "Will you forgive me?" I can see why that's true. Being married to someone means taking someone as they are, forever. It goes without saying that the couple will have issues, arguments, and misunderstandings that could leave them upset with each other for hours if not days and weeks. But marriage and the life that two people create together is far more important than an argument or disagreement. Couples have to try their hardest not to let anything cause a rift between them, and the best way to do this is to practice apology and to truly move on from the issue once one person apologizes and the other forgives. Apologizing is hard, but we learned that the first to apologize is the bravest and the first to forgive is the strongest. Sometimes, people don't feel like they did anything wrong and therefore refuse to apologize. On the other side, sometimes a person is hurt so badly by what their spouse has done that they feel it is unforgivable. But in a marriage, it's essential that one person puts their ego aside as the other puts their desire to hold that grudge aside. It's hard but it's the best thing you can do for a marriage. Not only will it help heal the marriage, but it will make the relationship stronger when the couple finds that they are able to move past a difficult time together. You'll feel happier and at peace knowing that, as a couple, you can get through anything. I think that this was the most important part of the day and the part that I will focus on deeply. Praying also helps when one has to either apologize or forgive.

I'm bummed that the course is over so fast. My mom said she doesn't know anyone who enjoyed Pre-Cana as much as AJ and I did but we went in with a really open mind and both of us love having discussions like the ones that were prompted in class. We hope that we can find a way to continue these types of discussions and hold onto what we learned as we moved towards marriage.

You can read an article that I wrote a few months ago about apologizing for Collective Lifestyle here.

Pre-Cana Part One

I wanted to write a little bit regarding the first Pre-Cana class AJ and I took last week. In order to be married in a Catholic Church, it's a required course that the couple must complete before the wedding. Our class was held at the Catholic Center in Bridgeport and was led by a lovely volunteer couple who had actually met for the first time at that very place for a church function!

There were about 25 couples there and most of them were young and around the same age as AJ and me. We were each given a work book that contains chapter summaries and questions. We went through the first four chapters which covered: matrimony; family of origin; romance, disillusionment, and joy; and sex and sexuality. At the beginning of the each chapter, the leaders would introduce what the chapter would discuss, then we would watch a video clip that featured other couples as well as priests or deacons who spoke on the subject, and then our leaders would share their own story. Then we would have about 20 minutes to do the workbook pages on our own and then share our answers with our fiancé.

It was a really interesting exercise and, if you took it seriously, you could get a lot out of it. I loved sharing my answers with AJ and seeing his. Since taking the class, people have asked us if we learned knew things about the other but we didn't really because it wasn't about getting to know your partner better, it was more about seeing how connected you were on certain topics. The exercises showed me that AJ and I are on a good track, that we're on the same page, and that we have good communication. We were very comfortable sharing our responses with each other and we were honest with everything. It led to some very interesting and helpful discussions on our long car ride to the Cape that followed!

The chapters that was the most interesting to me were the second and third. The second one discussed how we bring baggage from our childhood and family life into marriage and into our new family. The chapter shared how to make this transition smoothly and how to recognize what things from the your family of origin could affect your marriage. AJ and I had different upbringings but were raised with the same family values.

The third chapter spoke about the fact that after you go through the romantic phase of your marriage—the honeymoon phase—you can fall into something called disillusionment in which romance might be swept aside and your relationship is different than it was when you were first married. This happens to everyone, I imagine, and this is the stage in which a lot of people think it means that there marriage has gone bad and they decided to divorce. However, it's a stage that everyone will be faced with and it can be worked through. Once you get past the stage of disillusionment—and this stage could reappear or take years to muddle through—you come out with a stronger marriage that is even better than it was the day you were married!

I really enjoyed going to the class and I look forward to the final class next weekend. It brought out a lot of really great discussions for AJ and I, we even discussed the possibility of joining a marriage group within our church when we get married. It would be a great foundation and good way to make sure we always take time out to focus on our relationship.

June + Some Thoughts

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It's the first day of June and I wanted to write a post about this new, fresh month that has yet to be filled up. The days will go by fast, just like April and May seemed to end before I got a firm grasp on the month. June is a good month; it contains the first day of real summer, even though the entire month feels like every other summer day.

It is also the only month of summer that does not really feel like it's a last dash to spend every day soaking up the sun and filling up free time with warm-weather activities because Fall is coming soon. No, June is the beginning of summer. It's a month in which you can enjoyably luxuriate in the hot days and dry heat. It's relaxing and slow, at least that's how it feels to me.

While I usually try to fill each month and week to the brim with productivity, I want to relish this month. Yes, I still want to be productive as I hate feeling like I wasted time, but perhaps I will be less worried about time wasted and more worried about time enjoyed.

Even if I'm feeling particularly lazy one afternoon, rather than sit on the couch in front of a television which I am not even giving much attention to,  I will sit outside on the deck either reading or just thinking and enjoying.

I will try to go to the beach often and I will try to spend an abundant amount of time with family.

I will eat fresh foods that one can not get outside of these Spring and Summer months.

I will keep writing: on my blog, in my journal, in notebooks, in Word Documents, and in text messages to loved ones.

I'll look at flowers and learn their names and origins.

I will listen to the birds' songs and try to differentiate the species.

I'll go to the Wednesday night concerts at the beach.

I'll stay busy, but I will be busy with things that are self-improving and positive. I will be busy with things that are filled with loved and thanksgiving and suddenly this post is turning religious. But I can't help but see God and His love in these Summer months. They are so filled with beauty, happiness, and perfection. I won't worry about how quickly these days go by and how one day Summer will be ending even though it feels like it's hardly started. I will just enjoy the day as it comes and goes, from sunrise to sunset.

On Lent

I wasn't really planning on writing about Lent today, Ash Wednesday. Although I will be leaving my house to receive my ashes and begin the celebration and recognition of Lent, I find it's a difficult topic to discuss. However, my mind was quickly changed on my way to work this morning.

A radio show was discussing the top 11 things that people give up for Lent and it made me think. So many people give up silly, frivolous things that are really pointless in relation to the sacrifice that Christ made for us. It borders on insulting. People give up sweets, ice cream, soda, and Oreos. Some people give up online shopping or watching reality TV. Is Lent the time to lose weight or to save money? I don't really think so. Those are what New Year's resolutions are for. I can understand giving up meat every day rather than just on Fridays because it has  religious symbolism. If you want to give up shopping, do something good with the money you save—donate it to your church or a charity. But why give up something that you'll take up again as soon as Easter comes? I don't really understand the point, especially when everyone gives up something that they can easily go without! 

I think Lent should be a time of change or transformation for oneself. It's not to better your physical or monetary status, but a time that could be an inspiration to better you emotionally and spiritually. Instead of giving up food or TV or shopping, give up negativity. Give up judging others. These are things that will bring you closer to Christ. Whenever you are tempted to think poorly of another, think of Christ's sacrifices for us and be inspired to change your actions. 

Or, don't give up something at all! Start doing something new that will benefit yourself or others. Volunteer. Read a 40 Day devotional book everyday (this is my choice for Lent). Go to Church every day (or more than once a week) during Lent. Pray more. Read the Bible every morning or night. These are all things that could benefit your spirituality and will more than likely become a habit and a way of life when these 40 days end. Lent seems to be turning into a secular time. This should be a time to refocus our lives on Christ. I decided to read from a 40 Day Devotional everyday during Lent and reflect on this time. 

What will you do for Lent?