Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Pre-Cana Part Two
On Sunday, we finished up our Pre-Cana course in Bridgeport at the the Catholic Center. I was looking forward to it more than the first class because I knew what to expect and I was interested to learn more and have more conversations with AJ. We covered four more chapters in the workbook and class went from 9-2.
The first chapter that we read had us discussing our love languages and how to learn the best way to interact with each other. My primary love language is AJ's secondary love language and my secondary language is his primary so we're pretty close, but then again both of us found that we have preferences in all 5 languages.
There were also discussions about having children and how God leads couples to this. A young couple came in with their two small children to tell us about how God played a large role in the decision, for them, of if and when to have kids. The other chapters covered things such as dealing with finances and debt, growing your relationship towards God together, and family life.
Another important topic we talked about was the vow that is made when you promise to take your husband or wife for better or for worse. This was my favorite chapter of day two and a large part of the discussion was on apology because it is necessary in maintaining a long, happy, healthy marriage. The workbook said that the most important words a spouse can say are, "Will you forgive me?" I can see why that's true. Being married to someone means taking someone as they are, forever. It goes without saying that the couple will have issues, arguments, and misunderstandings that could leave them upset with each other for hours if not days and weeks. But marriage and the life that two people create together is far more important than an argument or disagreement. Couples have to try their hardest not to let anything cause a rift between them, and the best way to do this is to practice apology and to truly move on from the issue once one person apologizes and the other forgives. Apologizing is hard, but we learned that the first to apologize is the bravest and the first to forgive is the strongest. Sometimes, people don't feel like they did anything wrong and therefore refuse to apologize. On the other side, sometimes a person is hurt so badly by what their spouse has done that they feel it is unforgivable. But in a marriage, it's essential that one person puts their ego aside as the other puts their desire to hold that grudge aside. It's hard but it's the best thing you can do for a marriage. Not only will it help heal the marriage, but it will make the relationship stronger when the couple finds that they are able to move past a difficult time together. You'll feel happier and at peace knowing that, as a couple, you can get through anything. I think that this was the most important part of the day and the part that I will focus on deeply. Praying also helps when one has to either apologize or forgive.
I'm bummed that the course is over so fast. My mom said she doesn't know anyone who enjoyed Pre-Cana as much as AJ and I did but we went in with a really open mind and both of us love having discussions like the ones that were prompted in class. We hope that we can find a way to continue these types of discussions and hold onto what we learned as we moved towards marriage.
You can read an article that I wrote a few months ago about apologizing for Collective Lifestyle here.